July 18th: I just tried to connect to America Online. I've heard it is the best online service I can get. They even included a free disk! I'd better hold onto it incase they don't ever send me anther one. I can't connect. I don't know what is wrong.
July 19th: Some guy at the tech support center says my computer needs a modem. I don't see why. He's just trying to cheat me. How dumb does he think I am?
July 20th: I bought the modem. I couldn't figure out where it goes. It wouldn't fit in the moniter or the printer. I'm confused.
July 21st: I finally got the modem in and hooked up. That nine-year-old next door did it for me.
July 22nd: That nine-year-old kid next door hooked me up to America Online for me. He's so smart. I told the kid he was a prodigy. But he says that's just another service. What a modest kid. He's so smart and he does these services for people. Anyway, he's smarter than the jerks who sold me the modem. They didn't even tell me about communications software. Bet they didn't know. Why do they put two telephone jack holes in the back of a modem when you only need one? And why do they have one labeled phone when you are not supposed to hook it to the phone jack on the wall? I thought the dial tone sounded funny! Boy, are modem makers dumb! But the kid figured it out by the sound.
July 23rd: What's the Internet? I thought I was on America Online, not this Internet-thingy. I'm confused.
July 24th: The nine-year-old kid next door showed me how to use this America Online stuff. I told him he must be a genius. He says that he is compared to me. Maybe he's not so modest after all.
July 25th: I tried to use chat today. I tried to talk into my computer, but nothing happened. Maybe I need to buy a microphone.
July 26th: I found this thingy called Usenet. I got out of it because I'm connected to America Online, not Usenet.
July 27th: These people in this Usenet thingy keep using capital letters. How do they do that? I never figured out how to type capital letters. Maybe they have a different type of keyboard.
July 28th: I found this thingy called the Usenet Oracle. It says that it can answer any questions I ask it. I asked it 44 seperate questions about the internet. I hope it responds soon.
July 29th: I found a group called rec.humor. I decided to post this joke about why the chicken crossed the road. To get to the other side! Ha, ha! I wasn't sure if I posted it right, so I posted it 56 more times.
July 30th: I keep hearing about the World-Wide Web. I didn't know spiders grew that large.
July 31st: The Oracle responded to my questions today. Geez, it was rude. I was so angry that I posted an angry message about it to rec.humor.oracle.d. I wasn't sure if it posted right, so I posted it 22 more times.
August 1st: Someone told me to read the faq. Geez, they didn't have to swear so much.
August 2nd: I just read this post called make money fast. I'm so exited, I'm going to make lots of money. I followed the instructions and posted it to every newsgroup I could find.
August 3rd: I just made my signature file. It's only 6 pages long, so I will have to work on it some more.
August 4th: I just looked at a group called alt.aol.sucks. I read a few posts and I really believe that AOL should be wiped off the face of the earth. I wonder what an "AOL" is, however.
August 5th: I was asking where to find some information about something. Some guy told me to check out ftp.netcom.com. I've looked and looked, but I cant find that group.
August 6th: Some guy suspended my account because of what I was doing. I told him I don't have an account at his bank. He's so dumb.